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Yippee Ki-Yay Mutha {Expletive Deleted}
I’m going to go see Live Free or Die Hard later on today and I must admit that I don’t know what to expect. I know it’s rated PG-13 and the major setback with that is knowing that John McClane won’t be able to say his signature line. That’s what was so great about McClane, he swore like a trucker, because if you had just jumped off the roof of a building as it blew up, crashed through a window, and to your side an elevator blows up for no good reason… you’d say “Jesus Fucking Christ” too. Don’t bet on McClane telling some bad guys he’s going to “fucking kill” them, “fucking cook” them, and “fucking eat” them. This movie should be rated R. It’s another of many examples of movies that act as if they WANT to be rated R, but just can’t be because of higher powers. Here are 5 examples:
5. Accepted
This 2006 movie is about a bunch of high school graduates who haphazardly start their own college. So it’s a college movie with no boobs, no swearing, and no R-worthy hijinks. Throw on top of that the fact that this movie co-starred the most foul-mouthed comedian in history (Lewis Black) and one of the main students at said college is a stripper and you have yourself a bland comedy that didn’t (to my knowledge) even release an unrated DVD version.
This PG-13 movie has one of the better torture scenes I’ve ever seen, let alone in a PG-13 movie. They made this movie to re-create the image of James Bond and make him a darker, more intense character, and in most respects they succeeded. But still, there’s something disingenuous about a film with so much violence and so much sex that mascarades at the PG-13 level.
3. The Lord of the Rings trilogy
This one is actually surprising to me. There are so many be-headings in these movies and violent battles that make Braveheart look like Chronicles of Narnia. I think they can get away with these brutal scenes because Orcs are not human, therefore beheading them involves very little emotional attachment from the audience. But if you see Peter Jackson’s director’s cuts they are discernably more violent (and 4 hours long, so maybe the PG-13 cuts here are ok).
Westerns should never be rated PG-13. Especially sequels to shitty westerns. The purpose of a sequel is to up the ante, right? It’s to build upon the originals storylines, but also make things harder for the characters with more conflict. But how many sequels do you see where the original is rated R and sequels are not? Police Academy movies are an example of this. The “Jack Ryan” series” has hit every rating–Hunt for Red October was PG, Clear and Present Danger and Sum of All Fears were rated PG-13, and Patriot Games was R.
And I’m not talking about Michael Bay’s movie being released next week. Nope, the original cartoon movie should’ve been rated R. Many main characters are filmed, there’s hair-band music, and for a kid’s movie, they even drop the S*Bomb. This should’ve been like Heavy Metal–it would’ve achieved cult classic status. I mean, how great would that have been? Imagine during the Megatron and Optimus climactic battle if one looked at the other and just said, “Fuck you.”
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–Josh Radde
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I made a suggestion to the Strong Words suggestion box the other day that we change the segment Shenanigans to “W-T-F”
I think that works much better and I hereby nominate it henceforth as the official title of the bit pending approval from my two other co-hosts. It being that I operate outside of the executive branch of this whole operation…I thereby refuse to acknowledge, whether spoken or written, said refusals of my co-hosts of this new bit title. Therefore it shall be called “W-T-F” regardless of approval from co-hosts.
I just made a law and Dick Chenied your asses.