Reviews

Review: Captivity

What would you do if you all of a sudden woke up in restraints, in a strange torture-chamber looking basement with all sorts of strange devices and cameras pointed at you? Scream for help? Try to claw your way out? I know what I would do, I’d knock on the windows around me to see if there was anyone else there who wanted to talk about my feelings. If said person was a hot chick I know what I’d probably do next…

…I’d completely forget that my life was in danger, and I’d probably mac on the hot chick. Especially if this was after a few failed escape attempts and a few more times of being drugged. This basically sums up my thoughts for the newest take on “torture porn”. Not only was this one of the worst movies of the year, but it starred one of my most favorite HB actresses, Elisha Cuthbert! I remember hearing her say how people would, “have fun with this” movie. I know I had a great time with this glorified L & O episode–had a great time wishing I was watching The Girl Next Door.

After a series of near deaths the film’s main character played by Elish Cuthbert has a mental breakdown (understandably) and decides to have sex with her fellow male captor. Wait what? No honestly, that really happens. This is where the real plot twist happens. Post coital you’re taken on a whimsical journey of song and dance where people get shot, stabbed, and.. all sorts of… stuff…. I don’t know what else to say about this except that the only thing good about this movie is the cool poster art. SW’s vote for Razzie “Worst Movie of the Year” goes to… Captivity. Congrats all around.

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