[...] night I was enjoying one of my favorite weekly diversions, the podcast over at Strong Words Inc (which is co-hosted by FSR staffers Josh Radde and Tim Toomey). During the show they mentioned the [...]

I’m still getting shit about not picking you guys up from Steve via text message? What the Fuck?!

I’ve helped Steve move several times and gave him a place to live Sr. year of college, and I drove you (Tim) to the airport in January (at 5 AM) and put $40 bucks worth of gas in your truck for letting me borrow it to move some stuff.

All of a sudden, though, I’m a sucky bitch wrinkle who would only do things for my girlfriend, but only in a theoretical circumstance! Its easy for you guys to say you’d do the same for me when I’ve ALWAYS taken the train from the airport and NEVER asked anybody to drive across the third largest city in the country to come pick me up even though I have state-funded options.

Shenanigans on Tim and Steve for being dildos.

I totally agree with Tim, and Josh’s counter argument doesn’t work. I think when Josh basically said that he would pick up someone due to an intimate relationship, as to years of beautiful friendship; I died a little inside. To refute Joshers statement posted below I sent him a text today initiating the conversation stating “I’m just giving ya shit man, I’m sure u had a good excuse love ya bro.” It was a sarcastic level of cordiality after that. Josh did help me a lot in college though.

I would have picked you up no questions asked. The only thing I would have done was cracked a joke about Melanie not being available to pick you up first.

The whole shenanigans had nothing to do with steven, or public transportation, or borrowing my truck for the weekend, or anything like that. It’s the principal that I would do anything for my friends as simple as a ride from the airport just like I would my girlfriend. The joke was regarding the fact that historically, guys tend to do things for their girlfriends with bitch wrinkles and not for their dude friends.

I was simply trying to get you to admit that you would pick up your woman from across town if she had asked you to, and not told her to take the train. That is all. Shenanigans on Steve for calling the kettle black still though. Speaking of which Steve told me just 10 minutes ago that his ex-girlfriend would be coming up here for a weekend excursion, so how hypocritical is he?

(look at how I turn the tables on everyone)

Sorry for not asking Adam to pick me up either as he seemed to want to re-iterate about 15 times on the podcast that he would have picked me up. hehehe

Just to re-iterate, I would gladly have picked Tim up at the airport.

I think this whole feud is basically retarded, as everybody on the face of the planet in the history of romance has made some special exceptions for the person currently fulfilling their sexual needs. There are many examples of things that I did for Brooke only because she allowed me to exercise my dude-piston, such as: buying her a Wii, frequently driving six hours round-trip to squire her around the finest chain restaurants of Champaign-Urbana, and doing any ridiculous errand her parents could think of. We all subservient to the almighty bitch-wrinkle, and it’s pretty fucking dumb to pick on Josh for being excessively so, since, let’s face it, he’s like thirty eight years old and he’s gotta hang on to this one last chance at happiness and intermittent carnal pleasure.

I’m not on anyone’s side here except my own, and it should be noted that I currently pay for sex with cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon and purloined packs of Camel Lights. In short, a big “whatevah” to this whole feud and the fact that it’s overshadowing what was, to be totally honest, a great fucking show. It’s a sad day indeed when Josh’s half-hearted refusal to pick someone up from the airport gets more press than my hi-larious Heath Ledger jokes.

I am excited for the come back of Strong.Words, and I now vow to be the number one listener. Concerning this heated debate, It’s ridic and I’m moving on. Josh did tell us a week ago that he couldn’t do it, and I am more interested in talking about movies. I want you ladies to do a movie review on Beowulf.

I believe Beowulf was released at least four months ago, and the moment to review it has, sadly, passed. But perhaps we could do a roundtable discussion concerning the merits of the beautiful Seamus Heaney translation of the original text vs. the lugubrious, linguistically cumbersome version we were all forced to read senior year in AP English. That is a topic I’ve long been chomping at the bit to disseminate upon.

Bonus points to anyone who can find a copy of the short film masterpiece “Robert Burns In Love,” directed by yours truly and starring Chris Rubel as Robert Burns.

Strong Words has just lost its number one fan

Strong Words sheds a single tear.

They should’ve just made “Grendel” by John Gardner into a movie. It’s a much more interesting story from the villain’s point-of-view. Kinda like that kid’s story where the big bad wolf explains from jail how the three little pigs baited and pretty much screwed him. I mean, what do we love in America: Anton Chigurh, Daniel Plainview, Tony Soprano, Don Corleone, Scarface, Bill the Butcher…WE LOVE VILLAINS. A by-the-numbers hero like Beowulf does not do much for me, especially when his eyes are fuckin’ dead.

Additionally–

Yes, I still call shenanigans on your shenanigans, Timmy, but mainly I wrote that original post so that I could pluralize the word “dildo”

And the hobo newspaper is:

STREETWISE

Dildos is a word you seldom hear pluralized. Henceforth, I shall refer to my dildo collection as a collection of dildos.

And why does the Mozilla spell-checker not recognize the word “dildo”? Perhaps they imported the spell-checking software from Conservapedia.

What’s a bitch wrinkle?

Love,
Said Point-of-Contention

“What’s a buttfore?”

“For pooping, silly.” {puff}

A bitch wrinkle is that little flap of sugar where the dude piston enters to begin pumpage.

Batman and Superman are both widely loved heroes. Do you think the story seems lame to us because English teachers never were animated about it, thus leaving our psyche incapable of viewing a different stimulating perspective of this story? Or, am I the only one who likes Beowulf.

I learned Beowulf at the feet of Mr. Moeller, certainly the most animated man ever to teach literature at Jacobs High School. The problem is almost certainly aesthetic in nature - Beowulf, in the traditional translation, is a rough fucking slog. So I would say that our generation’s reluctance to embrace the narrative the way we did Braveheart or Gladiator stems from an inability to clear a path through the tangled, arcane language. That’s why I always recommend the Heaney translation to people, and it’s also probably why Josh feels more of an affinity for Grendel.

Also, Batman had wicked gadgets and Superman could fly. The kids today value technological and aerodynamic trickery with a passion that they simply can’t muster for raw courage and bravery. I’ve never gotten too worked up over comic book derring-do, though; we should probably put in a call to Grant’s vintage red Batphone and get him to enlighten us with all of the knowledge that he’s accumulated in over twenty years of being a total fucking nerd-o.

blehhhh bleeeeh bleeh

Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I like Beowulf (the novel). I love the character’s strength and his unmatchable ego along with his inherent flaws. I just think there’s more vulnerability and tragedy when you think about Grendel and HIS story, and to me that’s more interesting than the hero’s.

But also, I don’t know if there’s a teacher who can reach students with Beowulf. That’s not a knock on education, it’s just the evolution of language. As we get further and further into the new century, we get farther away from classical language. Back in Shakespeare’s day, he could write a 400-word SENTENCE and maintain the same idea, grammatically speaking not a run-on. Today’s sentences average less than 10 words. You can’t ask students to follow something that is so linear and complex when it’s easier to say “Tonight we dine in hell” and you get it.

Finally, SNAP Caitlin.

P.S. Tim is a Nazi who abuses his web-genius power to alter what people say and mask the truth.

Is THAT what Nazi’s do?

I believe so. At least if they had access to the internet at the height of their power. Or someone in the Bush administration could pull a similar trick nowadays. But I wouldn’t imagine that someone in that administration would ever do such a thing. In Tim’s defense, Josh, you suck for not doing a simple favor for your friend. In Josh’s defense, Tim, you suck for sucking in general. In Adam’s defense, Adam for life! In my defense, I am only continuing this stupid thing because I want to procrastinate and think about things that don’t require real thinking.

In Josh’s defense, picking someone up from Midway is not a “simple favor.” It’s a complex operation requiring the kind of mental fortitude that Josh simply does not possess after a hard night of “Semi-Pro,” Appleebees’ riblets, and sweaty lovemakin.’ Furthermore, it’s surprising to me, that with the millions of bones that Assault shirts brings in every week, Tim couldn’t afford to hire a car service to squire him back to SW headquarters.

A quick note on the music for this show:

Theme - The Budo Band, “Ride or Die”
First break - Frog Eyes, “Evil Energy, the Ill Twin Of. . .”
End Credits - Vampire Weekend, “Boston”